back to december...

SO... i must admit.

i am a taylor swift fan.

and for some reason... i keep hearing her latest song on the radio and it's making me reflect on this past year.

it's a catchy song.

and perhaps it kinda reflects how i feel...

but then again. it doesnt.

"this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying i'm sorry for that night."

"turns out freedom aint nothing but missing you... "

"and i go back to december all the time"

blah blah blah....

none of those are true, but man... i've totally been there.

now, it's all about moving forward and im excited for that. :]

here's to an exceptional new year!

to quote miss spears...

she's so lucky, she's a star...

but she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart thinking 'if there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?'

it's not that i'm sad, per say... it's more like i'm not satisfied with how things are in life.

it's along those lines of 'why do some people suffer more than others?' and 'who gets to decide how this person's life will be this way or that'

eh... it's just not fair, i tell ya.

i try not to think of such things cuz it gets me down.... then again, perhaps it's good for me.

perhaps the reason why it upsets me is because i really need to do something about it.

yah.

can you tell? it's been awhile since i've had an actual conversation about something of substance.

I'm going to set some goals for myself. but i'm not going to tell you what they are.

according to don miller, who actually heard this from a lecture, sharing your goals with the public actually makes achieving it seem less fulfilling. It takes away part of the feeling of accomplishment i guess..

ho hum.

The Kingdom Experiment

Why hello there... i am back!!!

After months and months of silence, I've decided to start my own lil experiment...

So I recently bought this book at newsong called 'the kingdom experiment.'

It's basically a book full of ideas you can do for your community, as well as various scriptures to study and talk about..... anndddd... artsy type stuff.

It reads backwards. as in, you must flip it over and start reading it from the back cover.... because ''the kingdom is backwards." quite sneaky.... and witty, i suppose. it also happens to be one of those 'read with a small group type books."

i'm still searching for a small group so in the meantime, i shall blog about it here. :)

YOU will be my small group, whoever you are.

Hopefully you'll get something out of this as well. ^_^

We shall start off with this thought:

"most good things have been said far too many times and just need to be lived." -shane claiborne

blehhhh

i dont know about you... but i'm quite easily influenced by the people i'm around.

my mood, that is.

how does one stay so 'up' all the time? hmm hmm hmm

i did manage to grab a nice cup of hot jasmine tea today.

I think my sister got me sick.

I guess I'd feel better if I was physically feeling better too.

sidenote- what is this LA obsession with cupcakes?

--

So for the past month i've been doing a bit of background acting. "Extra work" as some would also call it. I was going to write about some of the things i've learned on set and on all the interesting people i've met. Being in this entertainment industry is kinda strange. It definitely plays with people's heads.... and it's interesting to see how it's affecting /affected people.

But more on that later, i guess....

I'm not in the mood... :0p

i need a lot of help... with a lot of things.

Thank God I'm not alone.

Easter

Jesus is coming...

I don't have too much to say right now.

I've got many things to process though.. just thought i'd write that down here.

How would you answer this question... What is keeping you from giving Jesus your all?

What is holding you back? Why are you not truly living by faith and not by sight?

For me-- It's scary. I don't tend to enjoy going into things alone.

yah... more about that later i suppose.

Forget About His Will for Your Life!!

.... uh.. WHAT?

yah, exactly. That is one of the chapter titles in Francis Chan's book. (Forgotten God)

It's funny cuz my previous post was me ranting about God's possible will for my life.

I would like to share a little bit from this chapter with you. Got me thinking again.

---

Forget About His Will For Your Life!

How many times have you heard someone say, "I just wish I knew God's will for my life"? I know I've longed for this before. But now i see it as a misguided way of thinking and talking.

There are very few people in the Scriptures who received their life plan from God in advance (or even their five-year plan, for that matter!). Consider Abraham, who was told to pack up his family and all his possessions and start walking. He didn't know where he was going. He didn't know if he would ever be back. He didn't know any of the details we consider vital (e.g. his destination, how long the venture would take, what the costs/rewards would be, whether he'd receive a 401(k) or health insurance). God said to go and he went, and that's pretty much all he know.

I think a lot of us need to forget about God's will for my life. God cares more about our response to His Spirit's leading today, in the moment, than about what we intend to do next year. In fact, the decisions we make next year will be profoundly affected by the degree to which we submit to the Spirit right now, in today's decisions.

It is easy to use the phrase "God's will for my life" as an excuse for inaction or even disobedience. It's much less demanding to think about God's will for your future than it is to ask Him what He wants you to do in the next ten minutes. It's safer to commit to following Him someday instead of this day.

To be honest, i believe part of the desire to "know God's will for my life" is birthed in fear and results in paralysis. We are scared to make mistakes, so we fret over figuring out God's will. We wonder what living according to His will would actually look and feel like, and we are scared to find out. We forget that we were never promised a 20- year plan of action; instead, God promises multiple times in Scripture never to leave or forsake us.

God wants us to listen to His Spirit on a daily basis, and even throughout the day, as difficult and stretching moments arise, and in the midst of the mundane. My hope is that instead of searching for "God's will for my life," each of us would learn to seek hard after "the Spirit's leading in my life today."

May we learn to pray for an open and willing heart, to surrender to the Spirit's leading with that friend, child, spouse, circumstance, or decision in our lives right now.